Decisions define destiny.
Still can’t put up with the fact that it has been a few years since this, feels like not too long ago. I was completing my undergraduate studies and was quite prepared, but not quite sure of studying further immediately in the United States.
I knew I was going to do that at some point, was very inspired and excited too but I was still putting together some puzzle pieces, I guess. Since I was so prepared, I did end up starting grad school at a reputed university in New York with a competitive program. It started all okay, but something was dawning upon me (quite dramatically and painfully at that time) — I did not want to do my graduate studies and I definitely did not want to continue further at that point.
I first tried questioning myself and then reached a point where I was sure about my decision. I shared it with my parents who were concerned if there is any other problem that I am facing. But I was sure, and I explained to them that I don’t know a 100% why, but I knew that this was not something I wanted to continue with. They took some time but eventually understood and supported me. I applied for a full refund and went ahead. It was quite dramatic/foolish for the other people in my family since I was taking a year’s break, doing whatever I wanted to do. They questioned my abilities in surprising ways, but what was more surprising and amusing was that I did not bother about any of that. I too have some friends who are proud of me for making my own choices/decisions.
Looking back, it worked out great; I took my break (travelled, volunteered, spent time with my parents/friends, did some exploration), and ended up where I always belonged. It felt like home the moment I arrived in the city I live in (Boston) the first time, and I still don’t know if that made me take the break and go to the school I really wanted to go to. I hadn’t gotten in the first time, but the second time I applied during my break, I got through!
I feel extremely grateful looking back at the decisions I made and the path those decisions have carved out.
There is something that guides you home and it is important to trust your instincts. It will also shed light on things/people in your life and their truth. What you need to let go and what lessons you have learned are clearly going to help make place for what you truly deserve. Most importantly, it will lead you to your truth and that only gets amazing and beautiful with each day. Also, you do get some hints now and then..
